Floating

The last few weeks I have been feeling very un-grounded. I have spent no more that 15 minutes at home other than for sleeping. Instead my time has been spent trying to see my old friends, building new friendships and relationships. I have to force myself all the time to take a few moments for myself in solitude and convince myself that I deserve it. It is hard for me to not feel guilty taking time for just me sometimes. I feel that with me working so much, I still need to dedicate as much time as I can to seeing the people I care about. Like somehow I have to pay back my good fortune of having a steady income, by making the best effort I can to be with my friends. At the same time, I have left my family by the wayside. My sisters came to me this week and said "Kristen, we miss you and feel like we haven't seen you all week. Can we schedule a date with you next week?" Its depressing to me that my sisters feel like they have to schedule time with me. I want to be there for them whenever they need. Even worse is when I called my mom today to ask for Megan she asked if she could take a message for me. My mother didn't even recognize my own voice! Maybe it was just my groggy tone, but it sure made me realize how little time I have spent with her lately. I need to keep reminding myself firstly: I need to take care of myself so I can be there for the people I care about 100%, Secondly: My friends will understand if I need to say no to plans in order to take time for myself and my family, and Thirdly: Family comes first...always.